When You and Your Fiance Have Different Wedding Planning Styles

Nothing brings out personality differences like wedding planning; not even moving in together. There were things I realized when I moved in with Garrett - like he's a neat freak and I am definitively not - that pale in comparison to wedding planning.

In the year plus since we've been planning our wedding, I realized I like to knock things off a to do list like the deadline was yesterday. I also like to multi-task in a big way. Garrett likes to do one thing, literally one thing, at a time and to do it meticulously. They both have their obvious strengths - I can tackle a lot but sometimes way too quickly. He can achieve damn near perfect results, but sometimes at a snail pace.

I first realized this with our Save the Dates- there was an amazing online sale (this triggers all points of weakness for me- a deal is going to expire, we must act now). I texted him an image of the draft; he said looks good. I clicked purchase and bragged, "Awesome; done." His response fell short of expectations. When he said the draft looked good, it really mean we'll look at it together tonight, then we'll talk about it and then we'll probably sleep on it. Saving $20 was not his priority...doing the Save the Date together, not over text, was.

As nice as that sounds, it took me a while to catch on. I hadn't seen any of my friends' fiances get involved in the tiny details. I wasn't used to switching up my go-go-go style to one that creeped along, but we figured it out, or rather, we are figuring it out.

I've taken to affectionately calling Garrett Snail instead of worrying that he was slowing us down or over-thinking. I also used our differences as an opportunity to slow myself down - to bring out the side of me that enjoys a good yoga class and knows it's ridiculous to be stressed or rushed about something as great as our wedding. 

If you and your fiance have different styles, here are some things to consider:

Not everyone multi-tasks equallyIf you're working full time and wedding planning, it can seriously come down to who is able to multi-task well, bouncing between negotiating catering rates and conference calls isn't easy. According to studies, mentally juggling can come down to genetics, and often times X and Y chromosomes. Before you take it personally that one of you is working on your wedding while also managing the 9-5, keep in mind that your partner may not be wired to do both as well as you. 

Beyond genes, your Career Very Well May Dictate Your Wedding Planning Style For better or worse, my full-time job as a publicist has instilled me with a "Must Happen Now" ethos. It was really helpful for me to realize that I could slow down and be more chill about my wedding than I can be with my clients.

Divide responsibilities according to strengthsJust like any smart Co-CEO, once you realize where you and your fiance have differences of strength, find the areas you each want to own. I'm not a logistics person. Garrett so is. He's not a web guy, I loved figuring out SquareSpace for our wedding website. Knowing the areas that we are each excited about managing removes a great deal of stress.

Assume absolutely NOTHINGIn a million years, I wouldn't have known the level to which Garrett wanted to be involved in our wedding. I thought guys care about the bar and the music, not say invitations. This was so not the case in my relationship and I realized when we checked in with each other before making decisions, not only were we happier with the outcome, but the outcome itself was better....and isn't that what marriage is all about.



Posted on January 4, 2016 .